


The Blood of Those We Love.

by D_elfie



Series: Prompted Works [6]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Cure for tranquility, DAPromptExchange, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Mention of Canonical Character Death, Minor Character Death Mentioned, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Short One Shot, Tranquility, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-08
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2019-03-28 11:06:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13902720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/D_elfie/pseuds/D_elfie
Summary: Anders travelled with Hawke to Skyhold and learns that the Rite of Tranquility is reversible and has to grieve for Karl all over again.





	The Blood of Those We Love.

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [this Tumblr prompt from DAPromptExchange ](http://dapromptexchange.tumblr.com/post/158543859954/anders-learns-that-the-rite-of-tranquility-is). 
> 
> A short piece that I posted on Tumblr and was sitting on because I wanted to keep going... but since I have no idea when or if that'll happen... Have some minor angst.

Skyhold was almost as bad as navigating Darktown. Since arriving with the Champion of Kirkwall, Anders had gotten lost more times than he could count. Everything just looked the same. The only places he could easily find were the library and the ramparts where he often found Hawke lost in contemplation. He had looked there first, but Hawke was gone. He tried the tavern and the main hall, checking in with Varric to see if he knew the Champion’s whereabouts. That’s how he ended up in a garden he hadn’t even realized existed.

Anders sat on a stone bench in the garden outside Skyhold’s tiny Chantry, listening to the shouting match. He had gone in search of Hawke and found him in a heated debate with the Seeker. He was trying not to eavesdrop but they weren’t making it easy.

“You knew. Seekers and Templars… You knew. You could have helped stop what happened in Kirkwall but you didn’t! You label Anders a terrorist meanwhile you know deep down you just let it happen! You could have helped the mages…” Hawke was usually an easy-going man, choosing jokes and jibes instead of outright anger. Not this time. Hawke’s voice was strained, and he growled at the Seeker. Anders could remember hearing him sound like this only a handful of times. Once directed at him after the Chantry explosion.

“And what would you have me tell them? It’s not a cure… not truly.” Cassandra’s voice was tinged with sadness.

“What do you mean, “not truly”? Either you can reverse it or you can’t.” Hawke, on the other hand, sounded furious.

Cassandra’s voice dropped, becoming muffled by the Chantry’s heavy doors, exhausted and defeated. “Mages who were once Tranquil lose all control over their emotions. They become irrational, unable to focus. Perhaps that state eventually passes and they can be helped, but it will take time to investigate.”

Whatever Hawke’s reply, it was lost on Anders. At Cassandra’s words, all sounds were washed away by the whoosh in his ears. He felt dizzy. Was the world spinning? The garden by the Chantry was suddenly too big and too small at once. He covered his face with his hands, needing to block out the sight of the green. Of the living. The words flitted about his mind, there but incomprehensible. _Mages who were once Tranquil… It’s not a cure… not truly…_ And then there was Justice, hackles up. **_They can reverse it. They make mages Tranquil knowing it can be reversed but they will not. No. Mages can be tamed when they are Tranquil._**

His body tightened in _Fight or Flight_ mode, eyes flashing blue. With a shuddering sob, Anders bolted from the garden, all thoughts of Hawke dashed from his mind.  He raced through the stone corridors of Skyhold, no destination in mind. He went down and down, the slapping of his boots on the stone a match to the frantic pounding of his heart in his ears.

Eventually, there was nowhere left to run. Anders slowed, gasping for breath. He stood on the broken edge of a floor that fell away into nothingness. Around him, cages. Prisons. He let out a broken, joyless laugh.

“A prison. How appropriate.” He sunk to his knees, breathless and shaking. Justice still raged in his mind, shouting of injustices and vengeance. A tune he thought the mage rebellion had soothed. He tried to block it out. Tried to block out everything. He couldn’t think, the sharp ache in his heart chasing away any other thoughts.

“Karl…” Anders’ voice cracked and he began to sob. Large, hot tears streamed down his cheeks. He curled tightly in on himself, a ball on the cold stone floor of Skyhold’s dungeon. Long fingers curled into his hair, tugging as the sobs were intermittently broken by pained moans.

In his mind, Anders could see Karl’s laughing face from before he was made Tranquil. He could hear the love in his voice and left the soft, secret touches. The person Karl could have been returned to if only they’d known there was a cure. If only Anders hadn’t been forced to decide between Karl living as a shell or being freed from the torment of Tranquility.

 

* * *

 

 

 Hawke found Anders in the same position hours later – curled on the ground, shivering and hiccupping, tears long used up. He didn’t say anything, just settled on the floor next to Anders. He reached out to pry Anders’ clenched fists from his dishevelled blond hair, and replaced them with his own, stroking gently. Anders stirred at the touch, peaking up through tear soaked lashes. He hadn’t heard Hawke arrive, too lost in dark thoughts and the exhaustion of grief. Hawke offered him a small smile, sliding his hand from hair to cheek.

“Varric told me you were looking for me…” He paused, thumb lightly stroking Anders’ cheek. “I’m thinking you found me with Cassandra. Am I right?”

Anders nodded, blinking owlishly up at Hawke. He pressed his face into the gentle hand, relishing the touch. Hawke sighed. He shifted, wrapping both arms around Anders and, with surprising ease, gathered the mage into his lap. Too wrung out to resist, Anders curled into Hawke’s embrace. He felt safe against the broad chest.

Neither one spoke. Hawke stroked Anders’ hair when the tears returned, rocking him gently like a child.

After one particularly violent sob that left Anders shaking and hiccupping, he moaned “I could have saved him!” His voice was raw, hoarse.

“Shhh.” Hawke tightened his arms and laid a light kiss on Anders’ forehead. “You did, Anders. You did everything you could.”

“But there’s a cure! He could have been cured! Instead…” His voice grew faint, muffled against Hawke’s chest. “…instead…I murdered him.” His voice broke. Blue light licked over his skin as he fought to keep Justice down.

 “No, Anders. You didn’t. You freed him.” Hawke rubbed gentle circles against Anders’ back trying to soothe him. “Cassandra isn’t even sure the cure would truly work. It could be dangerous. For the mage and those around them.”

Anders pushed up, hand pressed to Hawke’s chest as he glared. Blue flashed in Anders’ eyes but it wasn’t Justice who spoke. “That’s the same excuse they use to justify Tranquility in the first place! We’re dangerous. We can’t control ourselves. It doesn’t matter what we do, they’ll always be afraid of us… and we’ll pay in blood. The blood of good men and women. The blood of those we love.” He trembled, and Hawke forced him back into a hug. He held him, letting Anders’ anger and grief wash over him.

They sat like that as night fell over Skyhold. The dungeon was plunged into darkness and finally Hawke spoke again.

“Come on love, let’s get you into bed.” He scooped Anders up, carrying him like a sleeping child all the way to their chambers. Too exhausted to argue, Anders buried his face against Hawke’s neck and let himself be carried like an invalid.

“Thank you, Hawke.” He murmured weakly.

**Author's Note:**

> This was a quick write that wasn't beta-ed (though I've added/fixed some stuff from the Tumblr post) so if you see something, let me know.


End file.
